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| The owner
of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for
his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle
of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough
with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid
to cough!" |
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| Three Boy
Scouts, a lawyer, a priest, and a pilot are in a plane that is about to
crash. The pilot says "Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let's give them
to the 3 Boy Scouts. They are young and have their whole lives in front
of them" The lawyer says "Fuck the Boy Scouts!" The priest says, "Do we
have time?" |
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| A blonde woman
was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled
over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde. The cop asked
to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally
asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture
on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed
it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked
at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't
realize you were a cop. |
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Goodies Store
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| One day in
the great forest, a magical frog was hopping down to a water hole. This
forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his
life. By chance, today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner,
and they passed by the frog. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog
said, "Because you are the only two animals I have ever seen, I will grant
you both three wishes... Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute,
and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest,
besides me, to be female. For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet,
and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the
rabbit, wasting his wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a
wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as
well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned
the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid
things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that
all the bears in the world, besides me, were female." The rabbit grinned,
gunned the engine, and said "I wish that the bear was gay..." |
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| A little girl
goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barbers
chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles
at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin." "I
know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits too." |
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| An obviously
gay flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself was serving
a plane’s cabin. He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA,
"Captain Harvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big
scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays
that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that
one of the women hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main
man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and
said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
The flight attendant responded, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm
called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put up the tray, Bitch." |
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| Two Gays are
standing on a bridge watching ships pass by underneath them. One says to
the other... "What kind of ship is that?" "Container ship." "OK,
what's that one over there?" "Oil Tanker." "How about that one?"
"That''s a ferry boat." "Really? I knew we were strong, but I never knew
we had our own NAVY!" |
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| A beautiful,
voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this
woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away
he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her
thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," the woman says, "you're
checking for any lumps of breast cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor.
He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says
to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting
herpes." |
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| A leper walked
into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw
up all over himself and the floor. The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey,
I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be
a little sensitive about them. "The bartender, wiping his mouth on his
sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't
you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck." |
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| Two Mexican
detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he
killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made
a hole in Juan." |
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Porn Jester
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Porn Jester
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