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| A gay man,
finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents,
went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I
have something to tell you: I'm gay." His mother made no reply or gave
any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard
him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly,
"You're gay, doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?" The guy
said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that's right." His mother went back to
stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the
head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about the taste
of my cooking again!" |
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| An employee
of an Airline with the last name of Gay boarded the flight with a free
travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he
had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon
after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the Airline employee
vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender
it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to
get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said
the the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay?" The man, somewhat
stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am!" The flight attendent
said, "I''m sorry, but you''ll have to get off the plane." At this point
Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this, jumped up and said, "Excuse
me, you''ve made a mistake - I''m Gay!" Finally, another man jumped up
and said, "Well, hell, I''m gay too! They can''t throw us all off!" |
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Jonathan took
his college roommate, Jake, home for Easter.
After dinner,
Jonathan addressed his father (who was a man of the cloth): "Dad, I need
to tell you something. Jake and I want to get married and we'd like your
blessing." Jonathan's father practically exploded. His face turned red
and he was speechless for ten solid minutes. When he finally regained his
composure, he replied, " My son, you CANNOT marry Jake. For God's sake,
Jon ... he's Jewish!" |
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| A guy came
into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give me six double vodkas."
The bartender says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I''ve
just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came
into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what
the problem was today the answer came back, "I''ve just found out that
my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the
bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus!
Doesn''t anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..." |
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| A little girl
goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barbers
chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles
at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin." "I
know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits too." |
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| Two firefighters
are buttfucking in a smoke filled room. The fire chief walks in and says
"What the hell is going on in here?!" The Firefighter says "well sir, this
man has got smoke inhalation." The Chief says "why didn''t you give him
mouth to mouth" The Firefighter says "How do you think this got started? |
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| Three ducks
went into court. The judge called the first one to the stand. "What is
your name?" he asked. "Quack." the duck answered. "And why were you arrested?"
the judge asked. "I was blowing bubbles." he answered. The judge didn't
see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the duck and called up the
next one. "What's your name?" he asked. "Quack," the duck answered. "Why
were you arrested?" the Judge asked. "I was blowing bubbles." the duck
replied. Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, so he called up the next
duck. "What's your name?? No wait, let me guess, Quack." he said. "No,"
said the duck, "My name is Bubbles." |
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| A young army
private is home on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience
at jump school while learning to be a paratrooper. "Dad" he says, "on my
first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A big black sergent standing
behind me told me that if I didn''t jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches
of dick up my ass." "Well did you jump?" asks his dad. "Just a little at
first" answered the boy. |
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| Two gay men
decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother
artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming.
One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to
the gays' delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it
wonderful?" Brad exclaims. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so
happy." The nurse says, "He's happy now. But just wait until we take the
pacifier out of his ass." |
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| Two gay guys
were in the shower together when one looked down and saw a puddle of white
liquid. He said to the other man What did I tell you about farting in the
shower? |
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| A gay man
was walking along the beach at Fire Island when he stumbled upon a Genie's
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold, out popped a gay
genie. The Genie said, "Hey Girl, wassup?" The amazed man asked if he got
three wishes. "Nope, just one...due to inflation, constant downsizing,
low wages, third-world countries, my new pumps pinching my big toes, and
fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll
it be? The complete set of Tyson Cane videos? A copy of the Marilyn Monroe
Happy Birthday Mr. President sequined dress in your size with matching
shoes?" The man shook his head 'no', and didn't hesitate. He said, "I want
peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop
fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the map and shrieked, "Miss
Thaaaaaang, I don't think so, not in this lifetime!! These countries have
been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't
think it can be done. Make another wish." The man thought for a minute
and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man, you know,
one that's considerate and fun, warm and affectionate, gorgeous, is well
endowed, only wants sex from me, doesn't do drugs or drink too much, has
a great job with a good income, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning,
and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and tells
me I always look fabulous, and is great in bed. That's what I wish for...
the perfect guy to have as my lover." The Genie let out a long sigh, clutched
his hand to his heart and said, "Oh Miss Thang... let me see that map again." |
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